


all i've ever known is how to hold my own (and now i wanna hold you too)

by lameassmadeupmaidenname



Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Discussion of feelings, F/M, First Kiss, aloy and erend both need someone to love on them, and I would prefer it if they would simply love on each other, pretty much fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24116587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lameassmadeupmaidenname/pseuds/lameassmadeupmaidenname
Summary: A lucky meeting on the trail to Meridian gives Aloy and Erend the chance to talk about their feelings for each other.
Relationships: Aloy/Erend (Horizon: Zero Dawn)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 78





	all i've ever known is how to hold my own (and now i wanna hold you too)

Aloy is pinned down behind a cluster of rocks, three Glinthawks circling overhead. They'd caught her by surprise when she was weakened after fighting off a Shell-walker, and now, Aloy notices grimly, her arms shake each time she fires her bow.

She shoots off another volley of fire arrows in the hopes of bringing at least one of them down, but they just barely miss and she has to duck behind the rocks as one of the machines swoops towards her.

_What a humiliating way to go_ , Aloy thinks as she checks her ammunition and finds herself nearly out. She should have prepared better. As she crouches behind the rocks and prepares for either some kind of miracle, or perhaps death, a bellow rings out across the plains.

“Hey, hey!” Aloy sees the Glinthawks turn away from her and she stands to see what's happened – _Erend_?

He's come out of nowhere, hammer drawn, charging against the Glinthawks.

Well, damned if she's going to let him save her life all by himself. She gathers all that's left of her strength, lifts her bow, and fires her Ropecaster at one of the Glinthawks, bringing it to the ground. She vaults herself over the rock cluster and into the fray next to Erend.

“Together again, huh?” Erend says.

“Good to see you,” says Aloy breathlessly.

Swinging their weapons in near-unison, Erend and Aloy bring down the remaining two Glinthawks, both ducking for cover as sparks and machine parts fly.

Erend, bloody and sweaty, stretches out his hand to help Aloy to her feet. “This still how you wanna spend your days, huh?”

Aloy shrugs. “It's a great workout.” Then she sways and feels her knees give out. She must have blacked out for a few seconds, because when she comes to, she's confused about why she hasn't hit the ground yet.

Aloy looks down. “Oh.” Erend's arms circle her body, supporting her. “This is embarrassing,” she says wryly.

He smiles at her. “You can tell people you saved my ass if you want.” Blood is tricking down the side of his head from a gash near his temple.

“You're hurt,” Aloy says. Shrapnel from the machines probably hit him.

“What, this?” He touches the injury. “It's nothing.”

“Erend, no.” Nothing can quickly turn into _something_ out on the trail. She's still feeling fuzzy; maybe she can blame that for the harsh twist of unhappiness she feels seeing Erend hurt. She has medicine in her bag he can use. Aloy pulls herself up, trying to support herself with her own feet. “You need to – ” Her knees buckle again and she feels herself falling.

When she wakes up this time, it's dark. Her head is resting on her pack, and a fire is burning.

It takes her a moment to remember what happened, but when she does, she sits up abruptly – _too fast_ , she thinks bitterly when she feels a throbbing pain in her head.

She must have made a sound because Erend is at her side in an instant.

“Are you okay?” he says softly.

_Just embarrassed_. “Fine,” she says. She smiles tightly at him. “They just wore me out.” Erend's hand rests heavy on her shoulder. Unused to this sort of attention, Aloy ducks her head. “Um, what about you, is your head okay?”

He nods. “As you can see, it's stopped bleeding, and I didn't die, so I'm doing better than you might have expected.”

“Nothing a little fire and spit can't fix?” Aloy cracks, then cringes at herself, thinking she probably bungled the Oseram saying, but Erend grins broadly.

“Exactly.”

“Let me look at it.”

Erend complies easily, settling down next to her so she can look. He stills under her touch when she moves to turn his head towards her.

“Sorry, does that hurt?” she murmurs. She's not always the most gentle of people, nor are her hands the softest.

“Not – ” Erend clears his throat, “ – not at all.” Maybe she imagined his voice shaking.

The wound is hardly a wound now – a scratch at his temple that is already on its way to healing.

“Sorry you got hurt,” Aloy says.

“It's nothing,” he says, smiling at her, sideways from the way she's tilted his head. “Better my face than yours.”

Aloy can't hide her own smile, though she wishes he wouldn't be so self-deprecating. “You're a better person than you think you are, you know.”

Erend's grin widens. “What a compliment. She _does_ like me!” he announces to their audience of no one. Maybe some rabbits.

“You know I do,” Aloy says. It's hard not to like Erend. Something about him inspires warm feelings of affection in her.

She realizes that she's less _examining his wound_ and more _stroking his face_ now, and quickly jerks her hand away, but Erend catches it in his own, pulling it close to his chest. His hand is rough but warm and surprisingly gentle. “You're beautiful,” he says.

The compliment catches her off-guard and she looks away again. “Thank you.” Their campfire is dying. She pulls her hand away. “I should – ” She gestures at the fire.

She doesn't know why she's being so evasive – she knows what Erend thinks of her, he's made that clear since they met. But something about now seems – different. Like it's more than playful flirting.

Erend lays down on his side, watching her stoke the fire. “I think about you a lot, you know,” he says. “You're more than just beautiful. Brave, strong, smart... I could go on. Unless you don't want to hear it.”

“It's not that at all,” Aloy says in a rush. She avoids looking at him. Her face feels hot, and not just from the campfire.

“I would understand if you didn't,” he says. “I know you could do a whole lot better than me – ”

“ _Erend_ ,” Aloy says sharply, whirling around to glare at him.

“Now you got _that_ look on your face,” he says. “I know, I know. I heard you before. _I'm a better man than I think I am_.”

“ _Did_ you hear me?” asks Aloy. She lays back down, using her pack as a pillow again, on her side so she faces Erend.

“I heard you,” he says, then falls silent.

It's quiet for a long few seconds, as Aloy listens to the sound of the night, crickets chirping and the sound of machines rumbling in the distance – nothing to be concerned about, not unless they get closer.

When she speaks again, she speaks softly – there's no real reason to, but somehow to speak any louder would feel wrong. “What were you doing out here by yourself?”

Erend's mouth twists into a wry smile. “I'd ask you the same thing, but I know you just prefer it that way,” he says. His voice matches her soft tone. “I'm on my way back to Meridian. I delivered a message to Daytower.”

“They sent the Captain of the Vanguard by himself?”

“I had some men with me, but they stayed at Daytower,” he says. “They need reinforcements, expecting some machines to come down from the north. I'm going to collect some soldiers from Meridian to help 'em out.”

Aloy furrows her brow. “Anything to worry about?”

He shrugs. “Won't know til we know.”

A fair point.

“How'd you find me, then?” Aloy asks. “This isn't exactly on the way to Meridian. We're kind of off the beaten path.”

“I heard the Glinthawks,” Erend says. “Decided to investigate. A lot of times, you see travelers get into trouble with machines. Usually you hear 'em calling for help.” He looks at her, his steely blue eyes bright in the moonlight. “You didn't make a sound. I just saw – ”

“What?” Aloy says, feeling more uncomfortable and out of place under his wondering gaze than she does under the red eyes of a Snapmaw.

He reaches out and touches her hair, curling a strand around his fingers. “Your hair,” he says. “Shining in the sun. I knew it was you.”

“Oh,” she says, finding herself again at a loss for words. “Thank you. For helping.” And even that feels woefully inadequate.

“Like I said,” he says quietly, moving his hand to her cheek, “tell 'em the machines were kicking my ass if you want. My pride can take that hit.”

“And mine can't?”

“No, I'm sure you can,” he says, smiling. “But better my pride than yours. Better my face than yours.”

“I _hardly_ need your protection,” says Aloy.

“I wouldn't dream of it,” Erend says. “But still. If I can save you a few scratches I'll do it.” He tucks a braid behind her ear. “I do got a question for you, though.”

“What is it?” Aloy asks. She's moved closer to him, almost unconsciously.

“Can I – ” he pauses. “Can I kiss you?”

Aloy's eyebrows shoot upward. “Now for something entirely different,” she quips to hide her surprise.

Erend shrugs. “I think I've been hinting in that direction for awhile.” When Aloy hesitates, he says, “If you want to say no, just say no, you don't have to make up excuses, or – just have a little mercy, I'm baring my soul here.”

“I'm not making excuses,” Aloy says, flustered. “I just – ” Unable to find the right words, Aloy leans forward and kisses him, carefully and softly, her hands on his cheeks.

When she pulls away, he presses his forehead against hers, sighing. She hates the way he looks at her sometimes – like she's something precious that he can't have.

“Stop looking at me like that,” she says.

The words had come out harsher than she meant them – Erend looks startled. “Like what?” he says.

“Like you – like you think you don't deserve to be here at all. Like I'm _special_.”

“I don't, and you are,” Erend says. When she sighs, he says, “Fine, I take back the first part. But you _are_ special and I won't stop saying it.”

Aloy looks at him and realizes he means it; he means it not because he thinks she's been blessed by a goddess, but because he cares about _her,_ and suddenly she wants to him to –

“Kiss me again,” she says.

Erend takes her face in his hands and does so.

Aloy had honestly never thought about kissing Erend before – she supposes there's always been other things on her mind – but now that she _is_ kissing him, it's all she wants to do.

She throws an arm around his shoulders and pulls him closer. His hands move to her hips, pushing her back against the ground, a warm, heavy, welcome weight.

He moves his lips to kiss her neck and Aloy sighs. This really isn't the time.

“What?” he murmurs, his lips barely leaving her skin. His beard scratches, but she doesn't seem to mind.

“The sun'll be up in just a few hours,” Aloy says, her fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt despite herself.

Erend groans. “Who cares?”

“You need to get back to Meridian,” Aloy reminds him. “Daytower.”

Erend pulls away from her, rubbing a hand over his face. He props himself up on his elbow as he looks at her. “You're right,” he says.

Aloy smiles ruefully at him. “We should get some sleep.”

“Okay,” he says softly. “I'll give you some space, huh?” With that, he pulls away.

“Oh,” Aloy says. She thinks her disappointment is painfully obvious in her voice, as Erend sets up a makeshift bed on the other side of the fire, but he doesn't seem to notice. Something wrenches in her heart like she's six years old again and a Nora mother is ushering the other children away from her.

She pushes the memory away. _This is nothing like that_ , she chides herself. If anything he's just being respectful.

But it's so cold. Aloy can't remember feeling this cold on the trail before.

“Erend?” she says hesitantly.

He looks up at her. “You're upset,” he says. “What did I do wrong?”

“Erend, I've only _ever_ been alone,” she blurts out. “It's not a choice I made because I prefer it.” _It's never been a choice at all._

Erend furrows his brow. “I think I understand,” he says. “I'm just trying to be, ya know, conscientious. I know you're not used to this.”

“I appreciate that,” Aloy says. “But I think I'd like to get used to it.” She gestures to the spot next to her that he vacated. “Will you come back over here? Please?”

A slow smile spreads across Erend's face. “Don't have to ask me twice,” he says.

When he lays down, Aloy curls up against him, her back to his chest, and he wraps his arm around her. “All right?” he asks uncertainly.

Aloy nods. “Yeah.” She can't say she's not nervous – this is entirely foreign – but at the same time she feels – content. Warm. _Wanted_.

She falls asleep in minutes.

\---

Aloy wakes as the sun is just starting to rise, shedding pink light on their campsite. She's still wrapped up against Erend's body, his hand resting on her waist.

A Charger is in their camp, nosing at the sparse grass. Aloy carefully – reluctantly – extricates herself from Erend's arms, trying not to wake him, and reaches for her lance.

The Charger takes no notice of her as Aloy grasps her weapon and quickly spins it towards the machine, overriding it with ease. Aloy puts the lance down and gives the Charger a pat before she mounts it, guiding it into a gentle trot, circling the campsite.

Erend wakes with a jolt as the machine passes by him. He immediately grabs for his hammer. “Fire and spit!”

Aloy laughs. “Found us a ride back to Meridian.”

It's obvious Erend is quickly trying to calm himself after the startling awakening. “Girl, if you think I'm riding that thing, you've got another think coming.”

Aloy pulls the Charger to a stop. “It's faster and easier than walking,” she says. “We'll get there in half a day if we ride.”

“That's a day and a half less I get to spend with you,” Erend counters. “I think we should walk.”

“Not if I come with you to Daytower,” Aloy says.

Erend raises his eyebrows. “Really? Avad wouldn't ask that of you.”

Aloy smirks. “Erend, I don't know if you know this about me, but I don't really follow orders from Avad.” She slides off her mount and walks over to him. “Besides, if Daytower's in trouble, that could mean trouble for the Sacred Lands, which I kind of have an interest in.” Aloy stretches up and kisses Erend on the lips. “Get on the Charger.”

Erend groans. “Fire and spit.”

Aloy picks up her bags and straps them around her waist, then hops back on the machine. She raises her eyebrows at Erend.

“You don't even leave room for argument,” Erend says.

Aloy extends her hand to him and helps him climb onto the Charger behind her. “You can hang onto me.”

“It's not gonna suddenly go rogue on us?” Erend says.

“That's never happened to me before,” says Aloy.

“Great, reassuring.” His hands tighten around her waist.

“Comfortable?” Aloy teases.

“Sure,” he says. “Let's get this over with.”

“You'll learn to like it,” Aloy says decisively, and kicks the machine into a trot at first, then a full gallop, towards the City of the Sun.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "All I've Ever Known" from the musical Hadestown. (Which is the MOST Aloy/Erend song of all time. Give it a listen. Trust me.)
> 
> Come chat with me on [tumblr](http://emmaswanned.tumblr.com) if you want!


End file.
